After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
