you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
