I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
