A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
