She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
