If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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