so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its not stalking. its research.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
