Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
