can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found puke in my bra..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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