I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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