Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
