walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
