ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
