So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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