I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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