So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
