Small penises have feelings too.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
