Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
