so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize