the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think i have two assholes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
