Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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