Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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