after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
