Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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