Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
