I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
