chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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