Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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