You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
