She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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