Kiss
Puke
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
