You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm passing your future prison.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
