My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
