So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
