even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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