If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
