I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
