After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
