ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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