Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Randomize
