Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
