garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
