So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
