Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
