well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
