i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
