why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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