Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
