Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
