I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
