the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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