I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she woke up with a sticky ear
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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