my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize