Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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