I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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