i love accidental penises.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
