When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
