so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
