whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
