i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
