Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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