I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
