Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
