she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
