i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
