I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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